Healing addiction starts with acknowledging that you are a highly emotional sensitive person, and that’s okay. You will not be the first or last person. You had a traumatic childhood, and came from a broken family. You were an identical twin who hated being an identical twin, you were abandoned, neglected and didn’t receive love from your mother and father. You were abused as a child, ignored and developed depression at a young age which included eating habits and disorders in order to receive attention and love, to detract from being a Twin.
You suppress your emotions like your father and you have followed his drinking habits as learned behaviour patterns, hoping that you would fit in and be loved by your father. The reality is he and your stepmom prefer you being a paranoid confident man with alcohol because they couldn’t accept you for who you were before. One conversation with them told me all I needed to know, “we like him now”. What so you like a man who is off his face on a drugs???
You have fought with every female figure in your life because the truth is they trigger you to death, as you were heavily manipulated as a child. You have not spoken or seen your mum since 2009 and have shut down any thoughts and feelings you had for her, as she was closer to you than your dad.
You disagreed with your father having an affair which has actually effected you more than you would know and you suppressed your feelings regarding the divorce of your parents and his subsequent marriage to call her G, you neither agreed with his re-marriage and neither accepted G as your step mom.
You and I triggered the hell out of eachother because of both our childhoods.In the end the emotions between us were too much for me to handle and I had to drive a wedge between us because I started to lose who I was.
I felt negatively impacted by your family and by the baggage that you carried. It was too much for me and I couldn’t get you to communicate and neither could I properly communicate with you.
You turned to drink to cope with dealing with all of this and that’s the worst coping mechanism that you could chose because in the end drink will win and you will lose.
It’s not embarrassing to get help, don’t forget the thousands of men who have waved their white flag because they could not do it on their own. It’s okay we all need help every once in a while to sift through the mountains of emotions.
I am always here for help and advice and thanks to you your addiction, I have educated people on the dangers and have spoken to many young guys which has made me want to go into the direction of counselling and life coaching. I have studied the biology and the neuro-science of the brain so I am aware of the symptoms and the stages. It is a process like cancer with stages. My door is always open for advice on how to come off Alcohol and any other addictions.
I have had to shut of any medium of communication and walk away because of how dangerous your symptoms are and I hope you know one day I did it to help you.
All my love, sending healing and light to your darkness,